There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” — Proverbs 14:12 (KJV)
Forgive Without Losing Yourself: Breaking the Cycle of Emotional Abuse Through Christ
Many Christian women enduring emotional or spiritual abuse feel stuck in a loop: praying, submitting, trying harder, and yet nothing changes. Their efforts to fix the situation often seem righteous and sacrificial. But the Word of God warns us—there is a way that seems right, but its end is destruction. God wants to heal, not trap.
Love Your Enemies… Even If He’s Your Husband
“Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you...”
— Matthew 5:43–44 (KJV)
What if the one hurting you the most is the man you married? Jesus didn’t leave room for exceptions. He calls us to forgive, to bless, and to love—even our enemies. But this isn’t passive acceptance of evil. This is spiritual warfare love. It’s separation without retaliation, discernment without hate, and intercession without controlling.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean approval of sin—it means releasing yourself from the poison of resentment and spiritual death.
The Trap of Responding to Sin with Sin
As Pastor Henry Wright, Be In Health Ministries, wisely said, “Don’t make someone else’s sin your sin.” When we respond to pain with bitterness, fear, resentment, or hate, we become bound by the same demonic forces that first attacked us. That’s how the unloving spirit works—first through the abuser, then through the victim.
You may not be hitting, screaming, or manipulating—but if your soul becomes bitter, fearful, or emotionally numb, you’re in danger of the sin that leads to death (James 1:15).
“Unforgiveness is a sin unto death, which produces disease unto death. It is critical that we be like our Father and forgive all manner of sin.”
— Pastor Henry Wright
Projection, Confusion, and the Unloving Spirit
Many abusers operate under spiritual deception, believing they are loving, easygoing, or blameless. But underneath are spirits of projection, rage, fear, and self-loathing. These spirits manifest through blame-shifting and confusion. What they are internally becomes your fault. You are cast as the villain for responding emotionally to abuse.
This dynamic creates a spiritual scrambler in the wife. She begins to doubt her own experiences and emotions. She may have grown up in environments where her thoughts and feelings were dismissed, programming her to deny reality, internalize blame, and submit to spiritual control in the name of peace.
What Forgiveness Is and Is Not
Forgiveness is not:
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Condoning sin
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Trusting someone who has not repented
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Staying in a dangerous situation
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Bearing someone else’s spiritual burden for them
Forgiveness is:
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Releasing the abuser from your judgment
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Refusing to carry their sin into your soul
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Letting God handle justice
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Praying for their deliverance while walking in yours
“We have one Savior—I’m not it. I refuse to take other people’s sins into my body.”
— Pastor Henry Wright
Pray Instead of Push
Women often ask, “How can I get my husband to see what’s happening?” The answer is simple but powerful: Pray. Don’t push.
When you try to force him to act, he may resist—not because he disagrees with you—but because it’s coming from you. But if God convicts him, his heart will yield. Pray specifically that God opens his spiritual eyes, gives him discernment, and deals with him personally. Only the Holy Spirit can break through pride and deception.
Spiritual Separation Without Bitterness
There are times when temporary separation is a wise, even necessary, act of spiritual warfare. If abuse causes you to sin (bitterness, fear, numbness), you may need to separate to protect your soul. But you separate in love, not hate.
Paul said:
“It is no longer I who do it, but sin that lives in me.” — Romans 7:17 (NIV)
You can hate the sin but love the person. This is the key to spiritual clarity and compassion. It’s also how you keep your heart clean, so you don’t become what you hate.
Seventy Times Seven: Unlimited Forgiveness
“Then came Peter to Him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Till seven times?
Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”
— Matthew 18:21–22 (KJV)
Forgiveness is a continual command. Not because the other person deserves it, but because you do not deserve to live in bondage. Forgiveness brings life. Bitterness brings death.
False Burden-Bearing and Healing from Victimhood
You are not your husband’s savior. You can pray, love, and intercede, but you cannot force spiritual change. If he will not drink from the living waters himself, you cannot do it for him.
When you take on the emotional responsibility of others' spiritual resistance, you become a false burden-bearer. This opens the door to fatigue, sickness, anxiety, and oppression.
“Bear one another’s burdens,” yes (Galatians 6:2), but not carry their rebellion into your soul.
What to Do If You're Confused
If you’re unsure what’s real anymore—if you’re stuck in survival mode and confusion—know that this is a symptom of long-term emotional and spiritual abuse. You’re not crazy. You’ve been conditioned to deny your own reality.
The enemy's tactic is to keep both of you locked in a state of deception. He plants false attraction based on generational wounds. But Jesus came to set the captives free. Your first step is not to save your marriage—it’s to let Jesus save you, heal you, and renew your identity in Him.
Prayer of Forgiveness and Release
“Father, I come to You in the name of Jesus. I repent for responding to sin with sin—for allowing bitterness, fear, and resentment into my heart. I forgive my husband, my family, and every person who has wronged me. I release them from judgment, and I release myself from false responsibility. I cast out the spirit of unforgiveness, bitterness, and confusion in Jesus’ name. Heal me, restore me, and teach me to love like You. Amen.”
Written by Traci Morin
Speaker • Minister • Anxiety Coach • Deliverance Teacher
🏆 Recipient of Who’s Who of America
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