🛡️ Responding Biblically to Controlling and Passive-Aggressive People Without Falling into Sin
How to Set Godly Boundaries with Controlling People Without Falling into Sin
Do you ever feel trapped in toxic relationships with controlling or passive-aggressive individuals? Whether it’s family, friends, or coworkers, navigating these situations with grace and truth can be overwhelming. Here's how to walk in godly wisdom without falling into sin yourself.
⚖️ A. Don’t Let Their Sin Lead You into Sin
Discern the spirit at work.
Not every behavior comes from the person alone—many times, it’s the enemy manifesting through their woundedness or bondage. Discern good from evil and avoid getting emotionally entangled.Forgive—daily, if necessary.
Ask the Lord for His eyes to see them through His love. Forgiveness isn’t excusing behavior—it’s releasing the person from your judgment and turning them over to God’s justice.Set loving but firm boundaries.
Godly boundaries protect your soul. Calmly explain what is unacceptable and what consequences follow. If the sin is abusive, you may need to remove yourself for your spiritual and emotional safety (Proverbs 22:3).Examine your own heart.
The enemy often connects to hidden sin or wounds in us. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any partnering spirits like:-
Victim mindset
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Retaliation or control
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Rebellion
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Rejection or isolation
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Self-protection or manipulation
Once exposed, repent, renounce, and break agreement with these patterns.
Avoid ungodly reactions.
Don’t rise up to control, gossip, lash out, or manipulate others. Proverbs 15:1 reminds us, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”🙏 B. Go to God—Your True Source
When others mistreat or manipulate you, turn to God as your covenant keeper.
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He is your Defender (Psalm 18:2)
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Your Provider (Philippians 4:19)
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Your Source of Identity, Love, and Favor (Ephesians 1:3-6)
As you forgive and release, God goes to work. He may transform the other person, or He may provide what they failed to give you through another source.
“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” — Exodus 14:14
If you refuse to forgive and try to gain your needs through manipulation, God may step back and allow you to see the result of striving in the flesh.
Any favor gained through manipulation will block the true favor of God.
Let Him be your Source. As Pastor Henry Wright said, "Anything you receive from people is just frosting on the cake when God is your provider."
😔 Understanding Passive-Aggression and Control
Passive-aggressive people may say, “I don’t care—you decide,” yet sabotage behind the scenes. They often fear confrontation or want to appear noble, yet they refuse to accept accountability.
Control doesn’t always look aggressive.
It can come through guilt trips, avoidance, or unreliability. If someone consistently volunteers but fails to follow through, leaving you hanging, this is a form of manipulation.
This isn’t about perfection—life happens. However, be cautious of patterns of deception disguised as kindness.
🧎♀️ In Godly Relationships: Follow His Order
When two strong-willed people refuse to yield, it leads to strife. Who will be the spiritual one? In non-sin issues, defer in love (Romans 12:10).
In marriage, the Bible teaches that the husband is responsible for final decisions (Ephesians 5:23). A godly man will consider his wife’s perspective, but if you’re the wife, honor God by honoring His order.
💔 Dealing with Controlling Parents
You can honor your parents without agreeing with ungodly behavior.
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Set boundaries with love.
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Communicate respectfully.
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Avoid dishonoring them to others.
Proverbs 16:7 says, “When a man’s ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.”
There may be a delay, but stand in faith and let God work in their hearts. Speak blessings over your parents and believe He can transform them into the grandparents or spiritual figures He created them to be.
🕊️ Final Thoughts
This journey is ongoing. You're not alone if you’ve struggled to walk this out perfectly. But God is patient and willing to teach you as you trust Him.
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Keep forgiving.
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Keep releasing.
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Keep praying.
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Keep growing in love and truth.
“If it is possible, as much as lies in you, live peaceably with all men.” — Romans 12:18
Let God be your shield, your source, and your counselor. He is faithful to guide you every step of the way.
Teresa Morin
President of Touch of God Int’l Ministries
🌐 https://www.touchofgod.org
Of Healing and Deliverance, Ordained Minister, Public Speaker
📣 Featured in Who's Who Press Release
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